<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>half moon by 99yeon</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23987998">half moon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/99yeon/pseuds/99yeon'>99yeon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dc vamp/werewolf universe [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Pining, Werewolves, plot device singji, werewolves!suayeon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:22:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,707</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23987998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/99yeon/pseuds/99yeon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>bora and siyeon decide to run away from their pack, because the only way to come back is to leave first.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dc vamp/werewolf universe [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729660</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>half moon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>as promised here is another part of the indulgent 99dceu (99yeon dreamcatcher extended universe). i'm really enjoying this au so i might write some more about 2hyeondong's dynamic, maybe another au (within an au) with vamp!minji x werewolf!bora. who knows...?<br/>also there's some mentions of gore? basically all the rah rah that comes w werewoleves</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>they're eighteen and wrestling with each other, tumbling over each other in the snow, the fight initiated more by bora than the peace-loving siyeon, when they decide to run away.</p><p> </p><p>siyeon lets out a whine of pain when bora pins her down, nipping at the back of her neck. she hadn't really had much investment in the fight, anyway, so she lets bora have her fun, baring her throat to her to end the fight, before she shifts back.</p><p> </p><p>by the time bora comes back from her victory lap, siyeon has already shifted back, and is watching her in amusement.</p><p> </p><p>"screw you," she says, with no real malice, rubbing the back of her neck, "you went so hard for no reason."</p><p> </p><p>"it was fun!" bora cheers, trying to charge siyeon again. she's promptly thrown onto her back by siyeon, who stands over her and sticks her tongue out before she sits cross-legged beside bora. the wind has been knocked out of bora - siyeon is a lot stronger than she lets in on.</p><p> </p><p>siyeon says, "did you hear yubin left?"</p><p> </p><p>bora perks up, "huh?"</p><p> </p><p>"yeah. she said she wanted to go explore the world."</p><p> </p><p>bora snorts, flinging a small snowball she's shaped in her hands at siyeon. siyeon laughs and wipes the already-melting snow off her face, "i'm serious!"</p><p> </p><p>"bullshit. the elders would never let her."</p><p> </p><p>"well," siyeon says, in that bratty tone that she takes on when she wants to make clear that she's going to be stubborn about the topic, "they did let her, and she did leave, so there."</p><p> </p><p>bora makes a non-committal sound, staring off into the sky before siyeon flicks her on the forehead. "what?!"</p><p> </p><p>"aren't you hearing what i'm saying?"</p><p> </p><p>"yes," bora rolls her eyes, "yubin ran away and we're still stuck here."</p><p> </p><p>"yes, you idiot," siyeon says patiently, and waits for bora to get it. when she does, she sits up so quickly that she almost collides with siyeon's face, and gives her the biggest grin she's had yet.</p><p> </p><p>"so you're thinking-"</p><p> </p><p>"-we can go," siyeon finishes breathlessly, and smiles into the kiss that bora drags her into. it's not their first time - they had been each other's first kisses, because they got bored and maybe a little too interested in each other's lips, and then it's been an on and off thing that they don't talk about because it's not important enough to warrant talking about. but this kiss is different, because it's not as brief as all the ones before have been. siyeon is pressed up against bora, arms thrown around her neck as she tilts siyeon's face with her hands, giddy with the prospect of change, of leaving.</p><p> </p><p>but she knows there's more to that. she's leaving <em>with bora</em> - that's the part of it that excites her, exorcises any fear she'd felt previously. as long as she's with bora, she's going to be fine. she knows it.</p><p> </p><p>the process of leaving is surprisingly painless. they ask for an audience with the elders, and are granted the audience within the same night. it's hard to face them and tell them that they want to leave. siyeon cries during their talk, but bora doesn't, just holds her close and pats her comfortingly on the back when she hiccups and gasps for breath.</p><p> </p><p>"are you sure you want to do this?" the first elder says worriedly, eyeing siyeon, "you do not have to do this just because yubin did. you should make this decision without external influence, siyeon."</p><p> </p><p>bora feels like the second part is directed at her, and her hackles raise, but she keeps her temper in check. tears are still flowing down her face, but siyeon is resolute when she nods. "no... i'm sure."</p><p> </p><p>"just know that you are always welcome back," the second elder says. "always, siyeon."</p><p> </p><p>"i'm here, too," bora says, annoyed, which earns her a pointed look but no further admonishment. she figures that she might as well have run away without consulting the elders - she's always been more detached from the pack than siyeon is. it makes sense that they'd care more about siyeon leaving than she did. they probably wagered that it would only be a matter of time.</p><p> </p><p>"you will always be welcome back too," the elder tells her, in a patient, placating tone, "but i sense that you may not return."</p><p> </p><p>bora softens, the tough exterior breaking for a moment. "i think so too."</p><p> </p><p>siyeon leaves the conversation first, shifting into her wolf and disappearing into the surrounding forest. it only takes a few minutes for bora to hear the lonely howls echoing throughout the forest, and she gets to her feet, "i should probably go."</p><p> </p><p>"you love her," the elder says, not in an accusatory tone. it's more of an observation.</p><p> </p><p>"of course i love her. i love everyone in this pack."</p><p> </p><p>the elder smiles, "but i sense that you love her beyond that." with a sigh, the elder stands as well, "use that love wisely, bora. make sure you protect her."</p><p> </p><p>"you know i will." it's almost insulting to suggest that she might not.</p><p> </p><p>"i know you will," the elder tells her, "but you also have to make sure that your happiness is never contingent on hers. you have a place in the world you need to find, and that may not be the same place as the place siyeon belongs to."</p><p> </p><p>with that troubling statement, the elder leaves, having given bora and siyeon her blessing to run wild into the woods, and leaves bora feeling like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>bora finds siyeon sitting by the lake, knees drawn up to her chest. she hasn't shifted back fully, and her ears flick in distress on the top of her head. her eyes are wolfen yellow when she looks at bora, and she seems like she might throw her head back and howl again any time soon.</p><p> </p><p>here's what bora wants to tell her: <em>you don't have to do this if you don't want to. but because you want to, i'm going to protect you every single step of the way. i'm not ever going to let you get hurt. i swear it. you have my life. </em></p><p> </p><p>"i love you," is what she says instead as she sits down beside siyeon. siyeon is surprisingly cold, despite the fact that lycans have ridiculously high internal body temperatures, so bora takes her into her arms. she presses a kiss to the side of siyeon's head. "i love you, you know?"</p><p> </p><p>siyeon laughs, but there's a hint of bitterness in it. she pulls bora close, "what brought this on?"</p><p> </p><p>siyeon's sharp nails hurt a little digging into bora's back, but she doesn't mind. she just cringes away from siyeon's gooey smile, "nothing! you make me regret being nice to you more and more every day."</p><p> </p><p>siyeon laughs, tears welling in her eyes. they sit in a peaceful silence, watching the light drizzle prick the surface of the water. some of the rain catches them, but bora doesn't mind, and neither does siyeon.</p><p> </p><p>"you really think we're going to be okay?" siyeon asks. "because i keep doubting myself on whether this is the right thing to do. i want to go, but i don't know if i should. what if something happens to us?"</p><p> </p><p>"then we come back," bora soothes her, rubbing a thumb over siyeon's hand. "you're safe, singnie. we'll be okay."</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>the first few months, they run wild, elated at their first taste of the great outdoors. at least, outside of the places their pack travels. their first task is to get as far away as they can from the pack, and so they run. they shift and they run, side by side, directionless but following some internal compass that they share.</p><p> </p><p>it's during this time that bora realizes how beautiful siyeon is. they know how their wolves look like, of course, they've grown up around each other and have seen every part of each other. finding out for the first time how your wolf looks like is usually a big milestone in one's life - bora's milestone hadn't been that big of a deal. her wolf is silky black, small but dangerous. she's a little more agile than most, compensating for her size with her strength and agility.</p><p> </p><p>but siyeon? siyeon is <em>beautiful</em>. bora finds herself paying more and more attention to siyeon as they explore different cities, as they run side by side, and bora can't help but turn around to stare at siyeon. siyeon's wolf is white, her muzzle deepening into black. she's bulky, and her muscles are packed with intense strength that she uses sparingly. siyeon is a walking amalgamation of contradictions, soft and strong, a nice asshole if there ever was one, unrestrained but controlled - she's divine.</p><p> </p><p>"what are you staring at?" siyeon laughs, swatting at bora's knee. they're sitting on a curb somewhere in the most recent city they've decided to temporarily settle down in, eating food they'd bought from the nearest food cart. it's not very high-end cuisine, to say the least.</p><p> </p><p>the night is cool and the air is fresh, and there are shouts of drunken men from a speakeasy down the road. drunk men totter about the street, arm-in-arm with other equally drunk men, giving bora and siyeon disparaging looks (probably wondering what two women are doing out this late), and bora can smell their alcohol-laden breath from here.  it reminds her of why she doesn't like cities. the humans spend all their time drinking alcohol (which, for some reason, they've decided to ban), holding lavish parties, and generally doing <em>everything </em>in excess.</p><p> </p><p>a stranger at a newsstand they were at told them that they were celebrating the end of the great war. a great war that had concluded seven years ago, so bora's not sure what there is left to celebrate.</p><p> </p><p>still, she has to admit that the vibrant life thrumming around them, the high-society ladies in fancy dresses who sport shockingly bright pigments on their faces, the men in suits whose briefcases contain more alcohol than documents, the people who have more dollars than sense right now - they resonate with her, for some reason. in a way, this was exactly what they left the pack for.  </p><p> </p><p>she hadn't even noticed that she'd been staring at siyeon instead of eating her chicken skewer, and snipes back, "not you, that's for sure."</p><p> </p><p>"it's like you're in love with me or something," siyeon snarks, and bora rolls her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>once they're done with their food, bora takes siyeon's skewer and looks for a place to throw their trash. she eventually locates a trashcan, but not before bumping shoulders with a businessman who looks her up and down before sneering.</p><p> </p><p>"it's late, lady. you shouldn't be out."</p><p> </p><p>if siyeon was in her place, she'd apologize and back down, understanding that the man is drunk and hence has all his misogynistic tendencies amplified. she wouldn't want to start a scene, and would instead go back to bora and talk about how she has had <em>enough </em>of these men and their silly attitudes.</p><p> </p><p>but this is bora, and so she doubles down, "fuck off."</p><p> </p><p>the man's eyes widen, his lecherous expression distorted. he steps up, threateningly, but bora stares him down. "what did you just say?"</p><p> </p><p>the rest is a blur. there are more exchanges of words, more men crowding around her, more jeers and drunken breath, siyeon's voice somewhere in the buzz of the crowd, and bora <em>really </em>wishes this isn't how things were going to end.</p><p> </p><p>she crushes a fist into the first man's cheek, and watches his eyes go blank, his body dropping to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>the crowd presses even closer, then, and she takes in a deep breath, feeling the world slow down around her. when she opens her eyes next, they're yellow, and that gives the men some pause - they step back nervously, and when she bares her teeth, sharp and jagged, some of them start running. enough to disperse the crowd somewhat, because the look she levels all of them with spooks them enough to decide that this isn't the position they'd like to be in right now.</p><p> </p><p>she growls, the muscles in her legs tensing as she contemplates chasing them down, but then siyeon grabs her by the elbow.</p><p> </p><p>that's when she makes the mistake - she's so caught up in her anger that she doesn't realize that siyeon's standing there. so her claws lash out before she can comprehend her own actions, ripping into siyeon's skin within an inch of her eye, sending her tumbling backwards in surprise. the result is a deep gash across siyeon's cheek, and there is blood.</p><p> </p><p>god, there is so much blood.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"i'm sorry," bora tells her, later, when the wound's been mostly patched up, half due to a roll of bandages bora purchased from a nearby store, half due to their inbuilt regenerative speed. the wound is barely a scratch at this point, but siyeon hasn't said anything the whole time. "i'm so sorry, siyeon, and you can be upset with me as long as you want-"</p><p> </p><p>"do you even <em>know </em>why i'm mad at you?" siyeon snaps.</p><p> </p><p>bora gives her a blank look, and siyeon says, with more anger in her voice this time, "it's not because you hurt me - i don't care, it didn't hurt that much. it's because you were impulsive and irresponsible. we have to get out of this city because of you. and for what? over one asshole?"</p><p> </p><p>siyeon's brow is knotted in frustration as she glares at bora, cupping her cheek not out of pain but annoyance, fingers running over the already-fading scar. the night has long passed, and the sun already peeks out from the edge of the horizon. they're both sleepy, and will would probably have retreated to the inn they're staying in, if not for this new development.</p><p> </p><p>"but he was-"</p><p> </p><p>"stop," siyeon sighs, pinching her temple, "let's just get out of here."</p><p> </p><p>this is the first time siyeon is properly angry with bora. it won't be the last, but it <em>is</em> one of the last times.  </p><p> </p><p>siyeon forgives her quickly, but it takes a long time to win back her trust.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>as they traverse from city to city, they both learn a little more about humans, and themselves. humans are surprisingly predictable, and siyeon is charming enough to seduce some of them. bora jokes about eating them ('like in that fable'), which earns her an elbow for her off-color jokes.</p><p> </p><p>they aren't jokes sometimes. bora likes the cities, and she's grown grudgingly fond of humans, but she likes the times when she and siyeon go out and hunt better. old habits die hard, she supposes, because there's nothing quite like ripping prey apart with her teeth, feeling the life drain out of a kill she's chased down. siyeon is usually a lot more sparing with her kills, but bora? bora <em>lives </em>for this.</p><p> </p><p>tonight, bora speeds ahead of siyeon, is sinking her teeth into the neck of a deer before it even knows she's behind it. she makes quick work of it, gulping down its flesh even though she really doesn't need to. lycans don't <em>need </em>to feed the same way vampires do - they can live their immortal lives just as humans can, with the only difference being that uncontrollable change that happens during the full moon.</p><p> </p><p>but bora and siyeon are used to this way of life. there are lycans who were born and raised in cities, more now than ever, but bora and siyeon aren't those lycans. they were born and raised as wolves, and as such, act like wolves, blessed with human intelligence - making a lethal combination.</p><p> </p><p>bora does wonder if siyeon ever grows tired of the hunting, now that she's seen and experienced the comforts of city life. but she hasn't - at least tonight, because she catches up to bora later with blood around her snout. evidently, she wasn't kind enough to save any of it for bora.</p><p> </p><p>bora continues picking at the deer carcass, filling her mouth with its flesh and blood, and throws her back and howls.</p><p> </p><p><em>this </em>is what means to be a lycan--</p><p> </p><p>a fearsome creature, the most dangerous animal nature has ever created, the prime hunter. the apex predator, both in the animal and human world. this is her.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>the humans eventually finish their decade of lavish partying. it's swiftly replaced by a worldwide depression that exposes bora to new sides of the human condition - mostly the sight of humans crying in front of banks which refuse to open, and walking the streets with wheelbarrows of worthless banknotes. there are no more lavish parties. the beautiful women in dresses repurpose their dresses to make clothes for their children.</p><p> </p><p>bora and siyeon walk through the streets like ghosts, ignored by the frenzied humans, who now have better things to do than pay attention to two strangely-dressed women walking in the middle of the street. they never interact with the humans, and simply observe them, the way they go about living their suddenly bleak lives. siyeon, in particular, is intrigued by the way humans express themselves. their songs, their writing, their performances have all begun to take on a melancholic, pessimistic tone.</p><p> </p><p>or so siyeon says. bora lives in the moment, spends her time watching the skies darken on the human race. it seems to be like this all over the world - when they board a boat to take them to europe, bora strikes up conversation with one of the passengers. siyeon's asleep beside her, slouching and leaning on her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>"where are you headed?" she asks the weary traveler keenly, wondering if she and siyeon could follow him to wherever he's going, since they have no plans now but to simply wander.</p><p> </p><p>"london," he says, and his face crumples, "we're going to war. i used up the last of my money on this ticket home."</p><p> </p><p>bora hums, "why didn't you have any money?"</p><p> </p><p>the man blinks at her, suddenly looking very confused as to why this odd woman is talking to him. but it seems that he's got nothing better to do, nothing to lose, so he entertains her. it's clear that he thinks she should already know the answer to her own question, though.</p><p> </p><p>"because they stopped paying us."</p><p> </p><p>"why don't you just stay in new york till they start paying you again?"</p><p> </p><p>he looks utterly confused now, "because we're going to war. i've got to fight. got to be with my family."</p><p> </p><p>now, that is a concept bora understands. it's been ingrained into her that her loyalty is to the pack, and any battle they fight is her battle. she nods slowly, "that's interesting. thank you."</p><p> </p><p>"what about you?" the man asks. "aren't you going back to be with your family too?"</p><p> </p><p>bora looks over at siyeon, "no, i'm traveling with them. we're going... to london, it seems."</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>london has a less dreary atmosphere than new york. <em>galvanized </em>is the word bora would use to describe it, because the city seems alight with passion, some sort of unity that bora has only associated with her pack. she didn't think this sort of unity existed, especially not in a city with millions of inhabitants.</p><p> </p><p>"it's because they're going to war," siyeon tells her, clinging to bora as they walk through london, "they've just declared war on germany, so now they're going to fight."</p><p> </p><p>"they seem awfully happy for people who are about to die," bora comments.</p><p> </p><p>siyeon shrugs. "i'm not sure why, either."</p><p> </p><p>it takes a while for things to ramp up, but the city only grows more and more energized by the day. the people are almost restless now, as if any moment they're going break out their fists and fight.</p><p> </p><p>and then, as is custom for the humans (or so siyeon says), they go to war.</p><p> </p><p>always, they go to war.</p><p> </p><p>they fight, with frighteningly advanced weapons. bora had shuddered when she'd learnt about the weapons the humans had used against each other in the great war, but this is magnitudes worse. they flee the city when the bombings start, and somehow find themselves in the battlefields instead. they always get out of the way before the battles begin, but that, somehow, is worse. as if they're leaving the humans to die.</p><p> </p><p>it's during this time that they spot their first vampire.</p><p> </p><p>bora has seen vampires before, once, when she was young and went off on her own. that vampire had been deranged, eyes blood-red and mouth dripping with foam, had tried to grab bora. bora had yelped and shaken him off, and ran back to the pack crying until one of the elders got her to tell them what had happened. it's left her with an uneasy feeling about vampires ever since. siyeon, who's generally rule-abiding, never did such a thing, and hence was always shielded from any threat, vampire or otherwise.</p><p> </p><p>but this vampire is different - and bora knows it's a vampire, because the same stench she'd smelled all those years ago fills her nose. the vampire is a woman, for one, and she has strange violet hair, a pigment bora only saw a decade ago, when all the women were dyeing their hair intense colours. she moves with a certain grace, almost ghostly in her demeanor and appearance. she seems to glide more than walk, and just like bora and siyeon have been doing, only watches. she seems unafraid of being caught in the crossfire, and it's that confidence that convinces siyeon, too, that it's a vampire.</p><p> </p><p>if the vampire sees them, she gives no indication. she waits, and so do bora and siyeon, for the battle to be over. the battle is a minor one, but enough men die that siyeon sighs and puts her face in her hands. bora doesn't blame her - for a species that prides itself so much on its intelligence, humans seem to love squandering lives, especially lives that aren't their own. she rubs siyeon's back, feeling helpless as she watches medics drag away the men that have the shot at living, leaving behind dying, moaning men.</p><p> </p><p>when the dust has cleared, the vampire makes her move. they almost miss it, but they catch her just as she's bending over the body of a trembling man. there are bullet holes through his chest, and he's crying out for his mother.</p><p> </p><p>"son of a bitch," bora curses, "she can't possibly..."</p><p> </p><p>"no," siyeon whispers, agonized.</p><p> </p><p>but the vampire doesn't. instead, she whispers something in the man's ear, and appears to exhale over him. his eyes roll back into his head almost instantly.</p><p> </p><p>"what's he doing?" siyeon asks.  </p><p> </p><p>bora is reminded of the stories she's heard about vampires - that they have some special gas they can breathe out to knock out their victims. she'd always thought that was cowardly - having to knock your prey unconscious? that's for people afraid to properly confront their victims.</p><p> </p><p>now, she has a good idea of what the vampire plans to do. she reveals painfully sharp nails, and slits the man's throat, swift and merciful. the man takes his final breath, a dazed smile on his face. the vampire travels from body to body, doing the same thing to countless soldiers before the field is quiet.</p><p> </p><p>and then, she takes their blood, producing bottles from her coat and collecting the blood dripping from the men's necks. it looks revolting, and siyeon is trembling, but bora has a grudging respect for the vampire. it must be wasteful to hunt for victims, to thin out the human population even more, in wartime, so she understands to an extent.</p><p> </p><p>that doesn't mean she likes vampires. she thinks she might never like them.</p><p> </p><p>it's the night after they see the vampire that siyeon tells her, "i don't want to be near humans anymore. not for a while."</p><p> </p><p>"do you want to go home?"</p><p> </p><p>a determined look comes over siyeon's face. "that would be the safe option. i don't want that. what do you think?"</p><p> </p><p>"yeah," bora says quietly, pressing a brief kiss to siyeon's lips, "of course, if that's what you want."</p><p> </p><p>they stay away from the humans for a few years, until they hear that the war has ended. the years they spend in the wild are some of the best ones.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>the longer they spend out in the world, the more different they become. siyeon enjoys learning more about humans, while bora desires to leave them behind the more she learns about them. bora is a lot more passionate than siyeon is about sticking to their roots, which is ironic, considering that she had been so excited about leaving initially. (it makes, though, when she thinks about the fact that it had been siyeon's idea to leave.) bora values old lycan ideas a lot more than siyeon, which leads to her hunting a lot more than siyeon. sometimes, it feels like siyeon's becoming a human herself.</p><p> </p><p>which isn't a bad thing. it's just different from what bora is. because bora is a lycan through and through.</p><p> </p><p>bora cries about it sometime, when they're in their apartment and away from the horrors of the world. mostly, it's when she sees siyeon doing the most human-y things possible, like wait for her favourite radio djs come on to host their shows, or when she excitedly orders coffee (she even has a favourite coffee order now. it's just two cubes of sugar, but it's something). human trifles bora had never cared for, and continues to not care for.</p><p> </p><p>it's distressing to see siyeon melt into the stirred pot that is humankind, because it feels like bora is the antithesis of what humans are. it feels like siyeon is moving further away from bora the closer to humanity she gets.</p><p> </p><p>when bora cries, siyeon is always there for her. when she asks bora what's wrong, she can never answer, because how ridiculous would it be to admit to siyeon that she hates seeing siyeon become more integrated with the human world? it would be utterly selfish to say.</p><p> </p><p>so she just says, "i'm sad."</p><p> </p><p>siyeon nods, kissing her, and hugs her. no more words need to be exchanged. she never asks bora what's wrong any more, just kisses her over and over until bora is done crying.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>these distressing thoughts are put to rest when they're actually together, when bora stops being enveloped in her thoughts. when she's torn from her thoughts, she stops being the brooding lycan she is, and becomes siyeon's partner once more, the only person siyeon has been with all this time.</p><p> </p><p>tonight is a cold one, so they find themselves shifting and curled up into each other in the middle of the forest. their fur providing an extra layer of warmth for both of them, and the forest is a welcome reprieve from the noise and concrete of the city.</p><p> </p><p>they're back to the wild after years of running away from it. for the first time, bora doesn't feel a deep sense of unpleasant discrepancy between her and her surroundings, which is a feeling the cities always give her. siyeon doesn't feel it as much, but she does miss the forests, too, the freedom they grant her and bora.</p><p> </p><p>the night sky is bright, its light free from the glaring brightness of the streetlights that the humans dot their streets with.</p><p> </p><p>the night sky makes bora think of the day they left. did they know, back then, that this is where they would end up thirty-odd years later? if she had known back then what she does now, would she still have left, seen the ugliest parts of humanity, hurt siyeon in more ways than she ever thought possible, had siyeon hurt her in more ways than she thought possible?</p><p> </p><p>a part of her still insists <em>yes</em>. she would have, and bora knows that that inner voice is right.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>but was it all worth it?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>she still doesn't quite know the answer to that, and when she turns to that inner voice for help, she finds nothing but silence.</p><p> </p><p>tonight, she watches the stars.</p><p> </p><p>siyeon is fast asleep beside her, her breaths even and quiet, creating little clouds of breath in the frosty air. bora looks over at her again, and marvels at how gorgeous she is. she's never going to stop thinking that.</p><p> </p><p>this is good. this was worth it.</p><p> </p><p>siyeon stirs a little, grumbling in her sleep, and that is probably a signal from the universe telling her to stop thinking so much, so bora just gently settles her muzzle onto siyeon's stomach, and falls asleep to the strong, steady beat of siyeon's heart.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"i still think televisions are strange," siyeon huffs, head on bora's shoulder as she tosses chunks of coal into the small campfire they've made. "the world's noisy enough, we don't need more noise!"</p><p> </p><p>bora laughs, "it's the future, singnie, you've got to keep up."</p><p> </p><p>"what if i don't want to?" siyeon lifts her head to face bora and sticks out her tongue, bratty as ever.</p><p> </p><p>bora giggles, and considers popping siyeon on the nose for her immaturity, but guides siyeon's head back down onto her shoulder anyway. "then you don't get to watch <em>i love lucy </em>when it comes on."</p><p> </p><p>this draws another noise of complaint from siyeon, who finishes throwing the bits of coal in her hands and wipes the remnants on bora's pants, much to the older woman's indignation ("do you know how much these cost?"), and an ensuing round of giggles from both of them when bora grabs some leaves and threatens to shove them into siyeon's mouth. </p><p> </p><p>siyeon sighs happily, leaning against bora, "i guess i do like television. a little."</p><p> </p><p>"that's my girl," bora smiles, putting her arm around siyeon's shoulder, waiting until she falls asleep on her shoulder before she gingerly sets her down and puts out the fire.</p><p> </p><p>"bora?" siyeon murmurs.</p><p> </p><p>"yeah?"</p><p> </p><p>"i love you," siyeon says sweetly.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>sometime after that, they meet yubin. both of them are excited to see her again, of course, but bora is especially excited to see her. they'd always been good friends, and talking to her, about her way of life, sparks even more excitement in bora.</p><p> </p><p>yubin tells her about how she's been living. she'd went the same way as bora and siyeon had at first, traipsed around the world and its cities, before realizing that she didn't like humanity all that much.</p><p> </p><p>"i know!" bora exclaims, "i don't like them that much either!"</p><p> </p><p>yubin chuckles, "so, anyway, i've just been... here and there. i leave when i feel like it."</p><p> </p><p>"sounds lonely," siyeon comments distractedly, but bora leans in, enthralled by yubin's words. the life that yubin seems to lead is the life that bora set out to obtain in the first place, and the knowledge that she could have that is positively thrilling.</p><p> </p><p>so yubin indulges her with more stories. she tells her that she's met some great humans over the course of the seventy-odd years she's been gone from the pack, and also other lycans. lycans who live in the city instead of in the wild, who have formed little communities in cities and peacefully coexist with vampires. that part is surprising - siyeon and bora have seen vampires since that day on the battlefield, but that was a long way from peaceful coexistence with werewolves.</p><p> </p><p>that seems to interest siyeon, and she listens to yubin's description of these communities. siyeon asks yubin about the cities with these communities, and yubin lists off a few. bora's fascinated that yubin even <em>knows </em>the names of these cities, off the top of her head.</p><p> </p><p>(she ignores the fact that siyeon's eyes are wide with wonder.)</p><p> </p><p>"you should come along with me for a bit," yubin suggests, "see how you like it. siyeon won't mind it, right?"</p><p> </p><p>she peers around at siyeon, and siyeon nods hurriedly, though she looks hesitant. "of course."</p><p> </p><p>bora grins. "let's do it!"</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>being with yubin reminds bora of how it was like in the beginning, before the war began, when they were just stepping out into the world. they hunt with reckless abandon, and never stay in one place for too long. bora meets more people than she can remember, but yubin seems to catalogue all of them to bring them up in conversation later.</p><p> </p><p>things feel new again.  </p><p> </p><p>bora starts comparing the life she has with siyeon with the life that she could have with yubin - and she hates herself for it. but she can't help it, when yubin has the life that bora wants so badly, how could she reject that? she'd never leave siyeon's side - but part of her wants to do that now.</p><p> </p><p>siyeon is always relieved when bora comes back from her journeys with yubin, and bora wonders why. does she think bora can't keep herself safe? the very thought is insulting, and she dispels it from her head. siyeon would never think so lowly of her. she knows bora is responsible for herself.</p><p> </p><p>right? or has siyeon gotten so used to watching out for bora that she's lost faith in her capacity to be alone?  </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"i just think you shouldn't be out so much," siyeon says hesitantly. "the world's getting more dangerous, and i don't like not knowing where you are-"</p><p> </p><p>"but you know where i am," bora protests, "and i'm safe with yubin." siyeon's eyes flash when yubin's mentioned, but she doesn't mention it.</p><p> </p><p>"look," siyeon mumbles, "i just would like it better if you were here with me."</p><p> </p><p>"why?"</p><p> </p><p>"because i-" siyeon says exasperatedly, "i love you too much to lose you."</p><p> </p><p>"you're not losing me," bora says.</p><p> </p><p>"i think i am," siyeon says, and then she moves closer.  </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>she isn't sure how they got here. she only remembers that there was a hunt involved, and the full moon had been shining bright in the night sky as they hunted, and then bora had gone back home, still full of buzzing energy. and then, and then--</p><p> </p><p>siyeon is looking at her like she's the best thing on earth, the most ethereal goddess she's ever set her eyes on, and that's when bora decides to stop sabotaging herself. they fit together perfectly, and this is enough for bora to convince herself that they are perfect together, that they are made for each other, that they always were.</p><p> </p><p>siyeon lets out little gasps as bora nips at her lip, and leans into the touch. she lets out soft, pretty little sounds, and bora presses more insistently, wanting to <em>take</em>, to have what she hasn't been able to have, to-</p><p> </p><p>"no," siyeon gasps, pushing her away. "no, we can't do this."</p><p> </p><p>it's a gentle shove at best, but it feels like a red-hot brand.</p><p> </p><p>"what?" bora asks, confused, "but i thought-"</p><p> </p><p>"i know," siyeon says, her hair bunched into either hand, "i know, but i can't- this isn't good. we can't do this."</p><p> </p><p>"but i love you," bora replies weakly, her voice trembling. she is so tired, a deep-seated revulsion within her surfacing, some hatred that she thought she had buried a long time ago. "i love you so much."</p><p> </p><p>"i know," siyeon sobs, and then she collapses into bora's arms. strong, dependable, beautiful siyeon is candy-floss fragile right now, and it feels like she might slip between bora's fingers if she holds her too hard. but she can never resist the urge to protect siyeon, to take care of her, to try to ward off every bad thing in the world for her.</p><p> </p><p>even if the bad thing is bora.</p><p> </p><p>"i love you too," siyeon whimpers into her shoulder, and that makes bora cry too. they hold each other and cry, and cry some more, deep, shaking sobs that echo through the night. they kiss, too, but they're sticky and salty tears. even through that, though, siyeon holds onto her tightly, one hand on the small of her back to steady bora. it doesn't measure up to their other kisses.</p><p> </p><p>when they're done holding each other, they let go, and then they're sitting on opposite ends of the room. siyeon has her face in her hands. bora just stares into space, waiting for siyeon to come to a decision.</p><p> </p><p>because it's always felt like siyeon's held all the cards in this relationship. or has it been bora who accedes too much?</p><p> </p><p>and then, finally. the decision comes, like a hammer crashing down on bora's forehead. it makes her feel as dizzy as an actual hit would leave her.</p><p> </p><p>"i think you should go," siyeon says quietly. "you make me too sad."</p><p> </p><p>she feels like a kicked puppy, but she does listen, and so she runs. she sheds her human form and embraces the call of her wolf in her, runs till her limbs give out beneath her, and howls mournfully into the night, howls until they give away to choked sobs. she doesn't shift back for weeks, or maybe they're months. she doesn't care enough to track the time, and definitely doesn't care enough to recall any of the things she does during the time that she's gone.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>in 1981, siyeon meets minji. bora finds out as she's revisiting the city they once lived together in. the city bora left behind. she has to find out by bumping into siyeon, who's sitting together with a woman, one hand over the woman's. the woman reeks the way only a vampire can.</p><p> </p><p>bora feels like she's been struck by lightning. she stands dumbly at the door of the bar, wonders if she should leave, knows that it's pointless because siyeon can definitely smell her, probably sensed she was coming even before she walked in. she can only hope that the sweaty bodies and stench of alcohol will cover up her scent.</p><p> </p><p>but before she can do anything, as she's helplessly rooted to the spot, siyeon looks up.</p><p> </p><p>she looks like she doesn't believe her eyes for a moment, but quickly regains her composure excuses herself, leaving the woman at the bar before she comes up to bora.</p><p> </p><p>the first thing bora notices about siyeon is how different she looks. her very aura has changed ever since she's settled into the city. she just seems more polished, more human, and it makes bora's heart clench in discomfort.</p><p> </p><p>the second thing bora notices is how angry siyeon is. no, not that. siyeon is wary. she's looking at bora as if she's a wild animal.</p><p> </p><p>"what are you doing here?" siyeon asks, "did you come here to find me?"</p><p> </p><p><em>you don't know me at all, do you</em>? bora thinks bitterly. this is far from what she expected from their first meeting after years of separation - she'd expected a warm welcome, not the hostility siyeon is throwing at her now. the vampire at the bar looks up, and her eyes darken when they settle on bora. she looks like she's considering getting up to talk to bora personally, but bora is <em>positive </em>she'd rip the vampire apart, consequences be damned, if she so much as stepped near her right now.</p><p> </p><p>she turns her attention back to siyeon. "of course not-"</p><p> </p><p>"i haven't seen you in so long," siyeon says, "i'm different now, you know."</p><p> </p><p>she looks bora up and down, "and so are you."</p><p> </p><p>bora recoils like she's been slapped. "<em>what</em>?"</p><p> </p><p>siyeon shakes her head, squeezing her eyes tightly, "i'm just saying... i'm happy now."</p><p> </p><p>"oh, and i make you too sad, is that it?" the words sting coming out of bora's mouth, but it hurts even more to see siyeon hear them. a small, vicious, shameful part of bora is delighted that she's managed to hurt siyeon as much as siyeon's hurt her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>that's why she hates you. that's why you make her so sad.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>"who <em>are </em>you?" siyeon asks, and she turns her back on bora to head back to her seat beside the vampire.</p><p> </p><p>1981 is the worst year of bora's life.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>it takes months before siyeon reaches out to her. she manages to track down bora, because of course she's able to. bora hasn't exactly been discreet  - she's left plenty of animal carcasses around the forest, in a bid to exert control over her own emotions. that has manifested into almost senseless killing, mindless slaughter that gives bora a purpose.</p><p> </p><p>when she does reach out to bora, the differences between the two of them become even more evident. bora is dressed in simple clothes, her hair uncombed and her eyes wild. siyeon is cleaner, calm, and speaks with a guardedness that bora's never heard from her before. it hurts, so much.</p><p> </p><p>"minji thinks we should talk," siyeon says sheepishly.</p><p> </p><p>the vampire thinks they should talk. not siyeon, the lycan who's been with bora every step of the way. the vampire who siyeon's been dating for a year thinks siyeon and bora should talk. bora nearly leaves there and then, overcome with an icy fury she's never felt around siyeon.</p><p> </p><p>instead, she tells siyeon the split-moment decision she made in the time that it's taken for siyeon to finish her sentence. "i'm going."  </p><p> </p><p>siyeon's eyes fill with anguish, but bora thinks she sees some relief in there. she wonders absently where it all went wrong - was it the fact that she left in the first place? or that she fell in love with siyeon and acted on it? is this the universe telling her that it was a mistake to ever leave?</p><p> </p><p>if they hadn't left, they would be living a good life. with the pack, in the wild, doing whatever they liked, for eternity. if they hadn't tried to become human, this wouldn't be happening right now. siyeon wouldn't throw her away in favour of humanity.</p><p> </p><p>"where are you going?" not <em>why are you going</em>?</p><p> </p><p>"i don't know. anywhere," bora says helplessly, and she swallows tightly - she won't cry. she <em>will not cry</em>. not here, not in front of siyeon, because she isn't weak. she has never let siyeon see her weak. "i don't- i don't feel at home, anywhere. i have to go."</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>bora picks up on siyeon's distressed scent when she walks into the apartment that she shares with minji, which only grows more distressed when she hears bora coming in. siyeon is half-shifted, and her nervous tics have resurfaced. the sides of her shirt have practically been torn into strips, and she paces back and forth. bora can spot the reflection of her yellow eyes in the window.</p><p> </p><p>she can still smell the traces of the vampire, and it makes her skin crawl. not for the first time, bora is reminded that this isn't her place - that this space belongs to siyeon <em>and </em>the vampire. the vampire who's taken <em>everything </em>from her.</p><p> </p><p>she banishes those thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>"siyeon," she murmurs.</p><p> </p><p>siyeon still doesn't look at her, ears still flicking on the top of her head in distress. "why are you here?"</p><p> </p><p>what bora wants to say is <em>i have loved you for so long, and i have never stopped loving you. i have loved you from when we were young, and you have had my heart ever since. and you can have my heart as long as i live, but i can't be near you. because i'm never going to have you, and that means i'm never going to get my heart back. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>what she says is, "because i love you."</p><p> </p><p>in the lonely years to come, bora will replay this conversation over and over again in her head. she will model every outcome it could have had, trawl through the expanse of memories, thumb through every well-worn page till the paper crumbles in her hands, beg, <em>plead </em>for an ending where they are together again. in the moments when she misses siyeon most, and awakes from uncomfortable sleep to no one, she will return to this conversation, and dig her feet in and pull at it until it unravels.</p><p> </p><p>"if you love me, then why are you leaving me?" siyeon asks.</p><p> </p><p>bora can't answer that. and so, she doesn't. instead, she waits till siyeon closes the door to her bedroom before she leaves, goes to seek out a life beyond siyeon, the life they've built, the life they've got, the life she can't ever have. </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>the real reason you leave siyeon is because you see her kissing someone else. and at first, you're okay with it because it must just be a fling, and they're both drunk off being together, two creatures of the night enamoured in this newfound love. you see her kissing a vampire, and all you think about is that it must hurt. you see the shining curve of the vampire's teeth, and you wonder how she had pushed you away while allowing this vampire so close to her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>but then you see their teeth clash, and she sheepishly raises her hand to thumb at the other woman's lip in apology, swiping lightly before she laughs and pulls her in for another kiss. you know what that gesture means. it means, 'i've got you'. it means that 'it didn't hurt, so don't worry.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>you know because she used to do that to you. </em>
</p><p><em>and you realize she will never do that to you again. and it breaks your heart again, just when you had settled with the idea of not having siyeon any more, just when you thought your heart couldn't break any more. you watch them and you remember how it</em> had <em>been </em>- <em>and how it is now. and that gaping feeling of loss pulls you back in, entirely. </em></p><p>because<em> even though you're the one who asked for this, now that you've got it, you have no idea what to do with it. you are completely adrift, with no compass or map to tell you what to do.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>but you need to get back to the rest of your life, the endless years that span ahead. and you know that the only way to come back is to leave. and so you leave siyeon, and even as your heart aches and begs to stay, you know that this is what you've got to do.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i may edit this in the future because the back part of this feels a little rushed, but i wanted it to have that sort of 'everything is crashing down around our eyes' feel. hope that landed. also, props to you if you recognize where the last part is adapted from </p><p>thanks! leave a comment if ya want</p><p>also, i have a ko-fi: ko-fi.com/99yeon if you'd like to send me a coffee :"D</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>